Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
