The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
