Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
