hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Randomize
