He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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