I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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