I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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