he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
