I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
