im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize