It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize