There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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