If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
