im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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