i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
