Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
