just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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