i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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