Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
