After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize