i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I have fence marks all over my body
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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