love makes seman taste better
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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