In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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