I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
