you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
