Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
