woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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