Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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