So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize