I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
