you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
