he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
