i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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