I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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