It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
