i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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