Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize