He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize