i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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