Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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