Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just gift wrapped bread.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
