I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
