tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
