the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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