the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
