What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
