He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
