I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
