dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
