remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
