If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
