you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I did not marry a roomba.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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