the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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