jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
They are going to name an STD after you.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize