Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Who died my cat blue again?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
