There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
