You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
