Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
