I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize