I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
