I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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