wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
