There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
