This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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