I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
