Life is so much better after having sex.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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