Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
