Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
