Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
we're chasing vodka with high fives
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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