There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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