one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
