Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
