you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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