I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
