I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
